High Sierra & My 1-year Anniversary
Going back to High Sierra was a big deal for me. Not that the festival itself had anything to do with my aortic dissection, but because it was like going back to the scene of the crime. Somehow, for the second year in a row, I just so happened to have that week off of school without evening requesting it, so I thought it was a sign that I needed to go back, and I was actually really looking forward to it. I wasn't nervous or scared to go because, like I said, it wasn't the festival's fault I got sick, but I just wasn't really sure how I'd feel being back there. Regardless, I was excited to see my HSMF family again and be able to celebrate coming full circle.
On Tuesday, July 1st, after a couple of doctor appointments (more on that later), Brandon and I loaded up all our gear and our dogs in his car and started the journey down to Reno. Unfortunately the trip didn't start off so well for me. I took the first shift of driving, but within a few hours on the road, I had to pull over and switch with Brandon because I was feeling really sick. My stomach hurt, I felt really dizzy and light-headed, and I was worried I was going to pass out while driving. Brandon took over the driving, and I crawled into the back with Goose to lay down while Zeke took over my seat in the front. It must've been an interesting sight to see... a man driving a car with a black lab in the passenger seat and a great Dane and a blonde girl asleep in the back. Surprisingly, when we passed into California and had to stop at the check station, they didn't say a word and just waved us through. I could've been kidnapped and drugged and being smuggled across state lines, and they wouldn't have even noticed! See where your tax money is going, Californians? Anyways, I'm off topic. We got into Reno pretty late, around 1 in the morning, and the four of us crashed out at my mom's house for the night.
In the morning, my grandma (affectionately known as G-ma or the G-unit) came over for some breakfast of gluten-free waffles, bacon, and fruit. Yum. Then we dropped off our dogs at the boarding kennel and did a few errands, like picking up our obscene amount of alcohol that we usually bring to High Sierra. This year we actually scaled down quite a bit since I don't drink much anymore and Brandon planned to take it relatively easy. I can't drink beer anymore because of the gluten (super depressing), so I just got some different hard ciders to try. After running around town for a while, we dragged my mom to sushi for dinner then met up with Amanda to head out to Quincy for the festival. On the drive to Quincy, I started asking Brandon a couple questions about what exactly happened last year since I don't really remember much of anything. He told me about how I was screaming in agony, and he has never seen anyone in that much pain before. He told me about how everyone helped pack up our camp in the middle of the night and maneuver our cars out of the poorly organized parking lot in order to get to the hospital in time. He told me how there was a huge group of people taking up residence in the hospital waiting room while I was in my various surgeries, offering support and prayers and even some laughter to my family. It was a really emotional talk that we had, and it once again solidified for me just how much my friends and family care about me. Not that I had any doubts, but it also proved to me once again how much Brandon loves me and that we are definitely meant to be together. If you believe in luck, I've had some pretty unlucky things happen to me, but I am luckier than most because of the people in my life, and I guess that's what matters in the end.
The first night of High Sierra is always a camp-out in the parking lot, which is actually a hay field, in order to get up early and be the first ones into the festival. We got to Quincy around 9 pm, so we got our parking spot, pulled out some camp chairs, and cracked our first beers, or cider for me. Our friends Tyler and Kris came to find us too, so we had a nice little group to kick it off. It was really great to be back and see everyone, and to talk and laugh like we did last year before things went bad. I think my favorite quote of the night was, "She had that fetal alcohol syndrome face, which you don't have..." I don't even remember what we were talking about, but it was like the day of odd compliments since earlier Brandon had said to me (excuse the language), "Your face isn't shitty enough to be trailer trash." I'm not totally sure either of those statements were compliments, but I guess they were trying to be. Either way, they provided for some good laughs. After a while, we all got tired and crawled into our cars to get a few hours of sleep.
In the morning, we got up fairly early and got in line to get our wrist bands then headed over to the shuttle to get into the fairgrounds. The shuttle line was pretty long, but we eventually got on and made our way over to the place where Kris and our other friend Steve-O had set up camp for us the night before. A few years prior we had named it "Camp Pooper" because we were right behind the port-a-potties, and the name and location stuck, so there we were, back at home in Camp Pooper. We unloaded our stuff into our tents and set up our chairs before finally relaxing. Kris had the ingenious idea of bringing a couple of those giant colorful parachutes, the kind that you got to play with in elementary school, so we brought it out to one of the grassy fields to play with it. It was awesome. We had random festival-goers, both adults and kids, come running up to grab one of the handles and play along. We tried making a giant bubble out of it and sitting in it, we tried bouncing a ball around on top of it, and we tried running underneath it without getting caught. Basically we all turned into little kids again, and it was so fun. We even had our picture taken by one of the festival photographers!
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| "Camp Pooper" - Tyler, Steve-O, Kris, Brandon, and Amanda |
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| Watching the T Sisters |
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| Parachute crew |
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| Parachute time at High Sierra |
After we all got too hot and tired to keep playing, we went back to camp to relax in the shade for a while before heading back out to listen to some music. We found a group called the T Sisters who were amazing! As their name suggests, they're a band of sisters, and it was a really fun show to watch and listen to. Later that evening we went to the grandstand to listen to STS9, which was the headliner for the night. I like their music... it's fun to dance to... but the show was really crowded and intense, so we made our way back to camp fairly early. On the way back, we found the inflatable "asparagus" things that I was playing with last year before a little kid yelled at me, so I got to play with them again, this time without being reprimanded by a 12-year-old. Back at camp we just hung out and talked for a few hours before turning in for the night. I was beat and had no problem falling asleep right away.
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| Playing with the amazing glowing pillow |
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| Dan, Kris, Tyler, and Steve-O at STS9 |
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| Inflatable asparagus! |
Friday was a bit of a rough day for me. I felt sick pretty much all day. I don't know if it was the heat that got to me (it was in the high 90s all weekend) or if I ate something weird or if I was just sick for some unknown reason, which happens occasionally. Regardless of the reason, I spent most of the day napping in our tent. I would sleep for a couple hours, get up and try to participate, feel sick again, then head back to the tent for another nap. My stomach just hurt really bad, and I was still nauseous and light-headed. At one point I felt ok enough to try to eat some lunch, so I ventured out to get some fried pickles (one of my goals for High Sierra, since I missed them last year). They were as delicious as I remembered, but they definitely didn't make me feel any better, so back to camp I went for yet another nap.
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| Fried pickles. Mmmmmm. |
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| Dwight and Izzy, newlyweds and soon-to-be parents! |
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| Sorry guys, I had to include this gem. Fortunately for BJ, he changed before I pulled the camera out. |
In the evening, Kris had heard of a place at the festival with free beer, so we ventured out to find it. I thought I felt good enough to tag along, so I dragged my butt across the fairgrounds with our group. After much searching, we actually found it! There was a little Ninkasi trailer giving out free beer if you had your own cup. There was also a buffet for a monetary donation and some nice seats where you could sit and enjoy the music. We couldn't see the concert from there, but they had a nice set of speakers set up, so it was almost like our own personal performance. Strangely, we ran into Amanda's sister Sam while we were there! Apparently that's where she was camping with her group of friends, so we visited with her for a while before moving on. I started to feel pretty sick again, so I headed back to camp to go to bed. I felt bad ditching Amanda, but there were enough people that I don't think she felt too out of place.
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| At the free Ninkasi beer stop |
Sunday was July 6th, the actual 1 year anniversary of my dissection and aneurysm. That was also the day that Brandon and I had to drive back up to Oregon. It was sort of a strange feeling... it felt like the longest year of my life, yet I also found myself wondering where the time went. So much had happened and my life was completely different, but it was still just one short year. I don't know if I have the right words to appropriately describe the feeling, but I imagine it's how new parents feel. Day to day it seems like time is dragging on as you change diaper after diaper, clean up baby puke, do endless loads of laundry, and get zero sleep, but then you blink and your child is walking. That's the closest I can get to describing how it felt going from surgery to the hospital, to long term care, to home care, to physical therapy, to a wheel chair, to a walker, to leg braces, to heel lifts, to normal shoes, to short walks, to hikes with my dogs, to being back at school. It almost doesn't seem real to me. Anyways, the more I try to describe it, the more confusing it gets, so I'm moving on.
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| Driving back to Corvallis on the 1-year anniversary of my dissection |
We got back to Corvallis on Sunday night, and I got just enough sleep to get up Monday morning and start my anesthesia rotation.
Anesthesia: untangling endless cords while singing "Let it Go"
I just finished my 3-week long anesthesia rotation, and it was a whirlwind! To be honest, when I started this rotation, I was super nervous because 1) it was my first "real" rotation with actual patients, and 2) anesthesia scares me. Things can go bad very quickly, and if you don't act on your feet, your patient can die very easily. Now that I'm done with the rotation, I'm much more comfortable with it, but it still makes me nervous. I loved the rotation though. I feel like I learned so much, and the doctors and techs were really great to work with, and I met 3 new classmates that I now consider friends.
I can't really talk about individual cases because of confidentiality reasons, so I'll just give a little summary of my experience. Week 1 felt really overwhelming. I had no idea what I was doing, everything was new and scary, and we were also super busy. I had a cat quit breathing in radiology, I had another cat go into cardiac arrest, and I had a dog quit breathing on the way to the ICU. Luckily the techs were there to save my butt, but I felt like I was going to have a meltdown on several occasions. Week 2 was a bit smoother. I felt more comfortable with the drugs and equipment, and I could handle more situations on my own. I still needed help pretty often, but at least I didn't feel totally panicky every time a machine would beep at me. Week 3 was when I really felt like I got into the groove. I found that I had preferences for certain drug protocols over others, I could place catheters pretty efficiently, my epidurals were effective, and, probably my favorite part, none of my patients vomited from the meds I gave them, which is a big win in anesthesia world.
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| Some of the anesthesia equipment |
Aside from the anesthesia part the anesthesia rotation, I really got to know and love all the people in the department and my three classmates. I have never seen a larger group of adult women more obsessed with the Frozen movie, and I'm pretty sure I had the song "Let it Go" stuck in my head for 3 weeks straight. We even had a Frozen themed Food Friday... salad with snowflakes made out of jicama, Olafs made out of mozzarella cheese, snowmen made from string cheese, carrot sticks as Olaf's nose, "reindeer" chili, chocolate, apple pie with snowflakes on top, and a Let it Go cake. It was pretty festive. We even decided as one of our senior skits we were going to do a lip sync to Let it Go, anesthesia style. The details aren't worked out yet, but I have a feeling it's going to be pretty epic.
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| Dr. Chiara DCC making Olafs out of mozzarella |
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| Shauna eating apple pie and laughing so hard it was coming out of her mouth |
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| Let it Go cake I made for Frozen Food Friday |
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| Getting "intubated" by the techs and resident. Good times :) |
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| Kelliann, Lauren, me, and Jackie posing on the exam tables |
Doctor Stuff, of Course
No blog post is complete without an update of all my medical stuff. Before we went to High Sierra, I met with a couple new doctors, a pain management doctor and a cardiologist. Well, the cardiologist wasn't new -- I saw him last February, 5 months before I dissected -- but he was new to my current situation.
I'll start with the pain management doctor. I hated him. He was a total pompous ass, and he was treating me like I was a drug addict just because I'm young. I tried explaining to him that I want to get off my fentanyl patch, and he just kept going on tangents about how long term opioid use in young people can lead to problems later on. I also tried to tell him that when my stomach backs up and gets all crampy, dilaudid is the only thing that has effectively helped me, and he refused to refill my prescription and went on yet another tirade about the dangers of narcotics. I think he was totally missing the point of what I was saying, and I was actually pretty offended that he was treating me like an addict. I even had to take a saliva sample that would show what medications were in my system! Then, after all this lecturing, the only suggestion he could give me was medical marijuana. Really? You're a pain management doctor, and the only thing you can recommend for me is pot? Awesome. It's not that I'm against trying medical marijuana, but I was hoping for something a little easier to get. I can pick up a pain med prescription from Rite-Aid, and my insurance will cover it 100%, but to get a medical marijuana license I'd have to go see a doctor in Eugene to get my paperwork stamped, send in my application with about $200, wait to get my card, then pay full price for any "products" I purchased after that. I don't have that kind of money. Whatever, I'm not really planning on seeing that doctor again unless I really have to. The only problem is that now I have to wean myself completely off of my fentanyl patch. I just put my last one on on Friday, so that means Monday is the day... the day to feel totally crappy and depressed and sick and angry. Oh well, I guess I don't have a choice, and It's got to happen eventually.
Next was my cardiology appointment. I tried really hard not to see this cardiologist again because he was really rude to me when I saw him last year, but unfortunately he was the only one with an opening in his schedule. His bedside manner hadn't improved much since last time, but at least I didn't leave this appointment in tears like I did last time. He was basically of no help whatsoever. His only recommendation was to double the dose of my carvedilol, the medication that keeps my blood pressure low. I didn't quite understand this since my blood pressure has been running about 100/60 (normal is 120/80), and when I asked him about it, he said basically he wanted me on the highest dose of the medication without feeling the side effects (light-headedness, dizziness, fainting, low heart rate). That, to me, is the opposite way I like to approach medicine, so I'm basically disregarding his advice, and I'm keeping my dose the same. My blood pressure is staying low, so I see no reason to double my medication. Yet another pointless appointment.
Over the past several weeks I've had quite a few scans. I had an echo of my heart and aorta done (everything looks fine), I had a CT of my brain to check for bleeds since my genetic disease affects all arteries (all is A-OK), and a CT of my chest and abdomen (still waiting on results, but assuming it's bueno). The worst part about all that is the contrast medium. They inject an iodine contrast that makes you feel like your body is on fire, and it always leaves me with a headache and kind of a hangover type feeling for a few days. For the abdominal CT, I also had to drink some contrast, which consisted of 1/4 liter of this juice-like fluid every 30 minutes for 2 hours for a total of 1 liter. It doesn't seem like that much, but my stomach was so full and crampy I thought I was going to puke. I'm glad that's over with for the next 6 months or so.
The next appointments I have coming up are another pain management appointment (oh joy) and a gynecology appointment (double joy). This might be TMI, but I haven't seen a gynecologist in about 4 years, and that's pretty much the only system in my body that hasn't been evaluated since my disaster last year, so I thought it would be a good idea to have everything checked, just to be thorough. Plus, with all this new information about not being able to have kids and everything, I kind of wanted to hear another perspective on it. Maybe she can answer some more questions for me. We'll see. Maybe it will be a waste of time like the rest of my appointments have been.
I think the only doctor I've met up here in Oregon that I actually feel like cares about me and is interested in my health is my GI doctor, Dr. Morse. He has kind of taken over my care as far as ordering tests for me and making a plan. He did some blood tests on me, and he found that I am deficient in vitamin A and zinc, which doesn't surprise me considering those are fat-soluble, and my intestines don't digest fat properly anymore. I have another GI appointment in a couple weeks, so I'm sure we'll talk about that and the failed pancreatic enzymes. Hopefully he'll be able to come up with another solution for my digestion/bowel issues.
Random Life Happenings
Believe it or not, I do have a life beyond school and doctor appointments, so here's a little sample of some of the things I deemed more interesting.
First, I'm leaving for Yosemite tomorrow! I've been vacillating for the past few weeks about whether or not I wanted to go, so I just decided a few days ago that I'm for sure going. I was a little hesitant because I can't do big hikes anymore, and that's always what we've done in Yosemite in the past. I didn't want to get left behind or feel like I was holding people back. Plus, Brandon can't take more time off work, so I'll be making the trip by myself. However, one of the biggest lessons for me in all this chaos is that it's ok to not be perfect. I've always held myself to extremely high standards, expecting much more of myself than anyone else around me, but with this major set-back I've learned that I don't need to push myself so hard, and if I need to take a year or two off from hiking, there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. As long as I don't go into this trip expecting to be at the same level I was last time I was there, I think I'll be fine. I can use this time as an excuse to lay by the river, read some books, explore parts of the valley I haven't seen before, and maybe even convince my mom to finally go horseback riding with me. I think it will also be a good step for my emotional healing as well. Brandon and I were supposed to get married in Yosemite in August of last year, but obviously that didn't happen, being that I was in the hospital and all. My wedding band is actually engraved with the GPS coordinates of Yosemite Valley, so I'm going to try to take some cool pictures of my rings while I'm there. Yosemite is also a place that I very intimately associate with my sister, so I will be able to celebrate and remember her while I'm there as well. I'll probably even get a beaded anklet made by the Native American women there for old time's sake. I think this adventure will be a big positive for me, and I'm excited to go.
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| Yosemite 2012 |
In other news, one of my best friends moved to Alaska a few weeks ago. Jessica and I met during my first year of vet school, and we pretty much got along immediately and have been great friends for the 4 years since then. Before she moved, she came to Corvallis one more time to visit and say goodbye. After a gigantic breakfast at Sharon's, we decided to go down to Fern Ridge Reservoir outside of Eugene to have a lake day with the dogs. Jen and Justin met us there too. It ended up being a really cool place. There was a bunch of grass for the dogs, and we had our own private cove for swimming and floating. Goose had to stay home because she doesn't get along with other dogs, but we still managed to have as many dogs as people. Brandon and I brought Zeke, Jessica brought JoJo and Taylor, and Jen and Justin brought Todd and Monty. It was quite the crew with 3 Labs, a Pomeranian, and a Chihuahua. We floated and swam for several hours while the dogs ran around, swam, then ran around again. Zeke learned a new trick... Jessica taught him that if he climbed on top of you while you were on your floaty, he could be near you without having to swim anymore. I'm not sure if it's a good trick or not, but it was pretty hilarious regardless. Just imagine a 75 pound Lab sitting on top of Brandon in the middle of a lake, soaking wet and shaking, while Brandon paddled around on his floaty. Priceless. After the lake, we stopped by Jen and Justin's house to check it out and meet their new rescued mustang foal named Puddles. So cute! Then we stopped for dinner on the way home at this amazing BBQ place in Junction City, where I got something called the "Hot Mess." It lived up to its name. It was a baked sweet potato filled with pulled pork, bacon, cheese, BBQ sauce, and sour cream. It was hot, messy, and sinfully delicious. I had to drive the rest of the way home because Brandon and Jess got some giant margaritas and were, shall I say, getting zesty. It was really hard saying bye to Jess knowing that I wouldn't see her again for months, but I'm so happy that's she's happy, and I know this adventure she's on is going to be a great one. I have a week off of school in September, so Brandon and I are going to try to visit. Hopefully it works out.
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| Zeke, Taylor, and Monty crammed in the car. JoJo is hiding in the back. |
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| Puddles the foal |
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| Dogs at the lake |
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| Lake day with the dogs |
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| Dinner after our day at the lake |
After 4 years of living in this house, I think the battle with the rats is finally over. We've had rats living under our house since we moved in here, and they've been getting more and more destructive every year. They dug a bunch of base out from under our patio, and we have rat holes all over our yard. Zeke has taken it upon himself to be the designated "rat hunter" of the family, but up until recently he had been unsuccessful. Even though they were becoming a problem, I couldn't bring myself to do anything about it. Rat poison is cruel (and dangerous to our dogs), and traps are inhumane, so I just decided to act like the problem didn't exist. Well, about a week ago, Zeke finally caught one of the rats, a big female that we're guessing was the mama. We had a little burial for it right outside our back fence, and of course I cried a little because I hate when any animal dies. Then, a few days later, Zeke caught 2 of the babies. I think they were starving because their mom was gone, so they ventured out to find their own food, but they were too slow to escape Zeke. After two more burials and a few more tears, I couldn't handle any more rat deaths, so we decided to humanely trap the rest of the babies. Brandon rigged up the most basic of traps, the kind you make as a kid with a box, a stick, string, and some bait (dog kibble). Surprisingly, it worked! We caught two babies, put them in a box, and took them to Chintimini Wildlife Center where they will be rehabbed and likely released elsewhere. So far there's been no sign of remaining rats, so I think the battle is finally over. I just wish we could have avoided the three casualties in the first place.
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| Our awesome rat trap made from an Amazon box, a stick, and some yarn. If you look closely to the left of the white pot, you can see a baby rat getting curious... |
Lastly, I just wanted to mention our hike today. We took the dogs out to a place called Clemens Park that's on the Alsea River, about 45 minutes from our house. We'd never been there before, but it was a really neat place. The river had some great spots to wade in, and the dogs had a blast splashing around. The trails were really pretty too. We saw a bunch of slugs and snails, and there were only a few other people out there, so the dogs got to run around like crazy. They reminded me of the velociraptors from Jurassic Park. The only bummer of the day was that I got stung by some kind of plant while taking my shoes off, likely some kind of nettle. I really love Oregon, though, and I'll be really sad when the time comes to leave next summer. It's just so beautiful here, and it feels like home.
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| Zeke never stays still enough to take a good picture of him |
Ok, I lied. This is the last thing... I've set a goal for myself for the summer. I want to be able to run a mile consecutively by the end of the summer. I don't care how long it takes me, I just want to be able to do it. I've started doing some walk/runs lately, and I'm able to run for about a minute and a half without stopping. I think that's pretty darn good for being in a wheelchair just 4 months ago! So, I have 2 months left to reach my goal. If you want to follow my progress, you can find me on Nike+. I track most of my runs with that.
Whew! I think I'm finally done. That was a marathon blog post. If you got this far without quitting, I'm impressed. Thanks for reading, as always, and check back in a couple weeks for updates about Yosemite!
Here's a couple photos, just for fun...
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| Goose wading in the Mary's River |
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| Rent-a-goats clearing weeds on campus |
