Before I start writing about my week in the south, I have some miscellaneous thoughts and feelings that are eating at me this morning, so I need to get them off my chest. It seems like every few weeks I have a "quarter-life crisis," which isn't really a crisis but rather a day or two of me feeling like I don't understand the world or life or people or even myself for that matter. Today is one of those days.
I woke up in a lot of pain. My joints hurt really bad, my ankles were swollen, and my muscles felt tight and stiff. I had to hobble out of bed and spend the first couple hours of my day sitting on the couch waiting for the Aleve to work before I could stand long enough to take a shower. I started thinking about why I'm here and why I survived everything I went through when the odds were totally against me and there were several times when I almost didn't make it. A lot of people have told me that I'm here for a reason and I have a purpose on this earth, but it's days like today that make me wonder if that is really true. If I'm supposed to be here, why is my body doing everything it can to make my life difficult? I already went through the massive trauma, but now I'm dealing with all the fallout, like the radiation sickness after an A-bomb goes off. I'll explain more later in this post, but I've had this string of problems lately that came out of nowhere and don't seem to be for any purpose other than to make things harder for me than they already are. Enough of that though; I'm not here to feel sorry for myself. I just don't always understand what I'm doing here. Some people say I'm here because my family and friends would miss me if I were gone, which I don't doubt is true, but if that's the only reason we stay here, then no one would ever die. Maybe I'm not here for a reason. I just don't know, and I guess I won't know until the time comes for me to go for real. I keep hoping that I've had enough suffering for one lifetime already and that my life will be nothing but happiness and joy from here on out, but so far that's been the opposite of true. Life is hard. Life is really hard. It's a constant struggle to stay afloat when there's so many things dragging you down. I just hope it's all worth it in the end.
Ok, in case you're sufficiently depressed now or just sick of my philosophies on life, here's something that will hopefully cheer you up. In the middle of my "crisis" I decided I needed to get out of my funk, so I started to frame some of the pictures from our wedding. Before our ceremony, Brandon and I wrote our vows on some pieces of paper to be framed with a picture, so when I opened the frame to add the picture, I decided to re-read Brandon's vows to me. I heard the words he was saying to me at the ceremony, but I was so nervous I'm not sure I fully comprehended what he was saying, so when I read them for myself and had the time to let them sink in, it really hit me how deep his love is for me. He managed to sum up life and our place in it so perfectly that it fit exactly with what I'd been thinking about all morning, and I think it was exactly what I needed to hear. I wanted to share his words with all of you too, so here are Brandon's wedding vows to me:
Megan,
In this wonderful, spectacular universe where stars explode, life develops spontaneously, and ends just as suddenly, our lives collided and became intertwined.
Since we met, there have been times of light and happiness when I felt invincible, real, and alive.
There have been times of fear and darkness from which I worried we might not emerge.
But through it all we remain, we grow, we thrive.
I can't predict the future, I can't ensure success in all things, and I can't ensure there won't be storms, but I can promise to make our life the best I can, to never take you for granted, and to cultivate passion, kindness, respect, and a healthy dose of weirdness as required.
Together we will have a life of love, where we enjoy all that is amazing in this world, put down roots, support each other, listen to each other, and trust is given; this is my vow to you.
You are my best friend, and I can't wait to explore the life that lays ahead of us. We will grow and evolve together, stronger than we are alone, always reaching towards the light.
I love you.
Wow. That's all I can say. His words probably don't mean as much to anyone else as they do to me, but I hope, if nothing else, they give you something to think about. Now I'll finally get on to what this post is actually supposed to be about: my trip to North Carolina for Carly's wedding. Here it is...
North Carolina
Last week, Brandon and I flew to North Carolina for a mini vacation and for my vet school friend Carly's wedding. I'd like to say the trip went off without a hitch, but my body had other plans. I could have easily titled this post "The Week my Body Decided to Freak Out and Unleash Hell," but I thought that was a little long. So the morning we had to go to the airport, I woke up with a gooey red eye, a plugged and hurting ear, and red bumps all over my torso and arms. We decided to go to an urgent care in Portland before going to the airport, which I think was a good decision. I had an eye infection, so the doctor gave me some antibiotic drops. He didn't see an infection in my ear, but he prescribed me some antibiotics to take in case it got worse since I was leaving for a week and also told me to take some Coricidin to help my ear drain. I didn't mention the red bumps because I thought they were the least of my worries, but it turns out they were the worst part of all my issues. So on day 1, I was already up to 3 extra prescriptions on top of the medications I already take. The flight itself was thankfully uneventful, and we got into our hotel in Charlotte around midnight. Jessica, Jen, and her boyfriend Justin were already in town, so Carly (the bride-to-be) wanted to take us to Charleston, SC the next day. We had to get up pretty early, and with the 3-hour time difference, it felt like we didn't sleep at all.
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| Red bumps all over my back |
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| Red bumpy rash forming on my chest |
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| Red bumps on my arm |
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| Body attacking my tattoo |
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| View of the Rockies from the plane |
On Tuesday, day 2, we all met at Carly's house before taking the "mom van" on the 3 1/2 hour drive to Charleston. That was the first time since before my incident that we four vet students had been all together, and it felt like nothing had changed. We chatted and caught up while we were driving, and we got into town around lunch time. Carly took us to a restaurant called the Noisy Oyster, where I had my first experience with hush puppies, sweet tea, and grits. Here's my evaluation: hush puppies are delicious and should be served in every restaurant, sweet tea is ok if you like to get diabetes from your beverage, and grits should probably be avoided. After lunch we walked through the Charleston market, which is a long semi-outdoor market filled with vendors selling all sorts of tourist trinkets. Sweet grass baskets are a
big deal there, and we passed probably 25 vendors selling things made out of braided sweet grass. They also seem to be very proud of their state flag, so everything had a palmetto tree with a crescent moon on it. From the market, we stopped at a bar called Wet Willie's that had a whole wall of different flavored daiquiris. It was tough to choose but I ended up with a piña colada, which was delicious, but I couldn't finish it on my own. Then we walked down to the oceanfront path and looked at the old buildings. That was my first glimpse of the Atlantic Ocean from the United States! (I saw it in the Dominican Republic, but I don't count that as the same ocean.) There's a lot of Civil War history there, so we stopped to take pictures on some canon and canon ball replicas in a park. It wasn't until we were leaving that we saw the sign saying not to sit on the canons. Oops! Then we hit up a few more tourist shops before heading back to the van, where we had a lost-car-keys scare, but fortunately we found them after making a few phone calls and investigating some local restrooms. Next we headed down to Folly Beach, which was pretty cool. Despite the random construction they were doing on the beach, we got to look for shells and play with hermit crabs and enjoy the sunset (which, by the way, does
not set over the ocean on the east coast). It was getting dark, so we got back in the van and started the long drive home.
Day 2 medical update: No new prescriptions, but my bumps were getting worse and turning into little pustules/blisters all over my body.
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| Daiquiri wall at Wet Willie's |
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| Charleston Market |
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| Civil War memorial |
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| Girls on a canon! |
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| Boys with their balls... canon balls that is. |
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| Oceanfront in Charleston |
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| Folly Beach - my first time to the Atlantic Ocean |
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| Folly Beach, SC |
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| Sunset on Folly Beach |
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| Jessica and I on Folly Beach |
Day 3 was supposed to consist of a trip to the Smoky Mountains, but after falling victim to the jet lag and sleeping until noon, we didn't have time for that adventure, so we decided to tour around Charlotte a little bit. We started out with a tour of the Latta Plantation, which was exactly what I imagined a plantation would look like. For some reason, when I used to think of the south, I could only imagine it during Civil War times, probably because that's all they taught us in school. When we were at the plantation, that vision was totally real, complete with horses, donkeys, and goats being led from their pasture to their stalls for the evening. We got to tour the main house and walk around the kitchen and slaves' quarters. We stopped by the chicken coop and old barn on our way out, and then we headed down the road to a little lake. We couldn't go all the way down to the water, but we walked to a little lookout to see the lake and take some pictures. Then we headed into downtown Charlotte to do some exploring. We stopped by this giant mirrored head sculpture spitting water called "Metalmorphosis" that the internet made sound like a big deal, but it was really just a fountain in front of some office buildings. It was cool to see, but it was a pretty awkward tourist stop. Then we went to the Settlers' Cemetery, which was also slightly awkward, but interesting to see nonetheless. Finally we went to the EpiCenter in downtown Charlotte for some dinner at a place called Whisky River, which had amazing fried pickles but was pretty disappointing otherwise. That about wraps up day 3. It was sort of a low key, no plans, do whatever we want kind of day.
Day 3 medical update: No new prescriptions, but my rash and bumps kept getting worse, with more and more of the red dots turning into little white heads. I looked disgusting; it was like I had the most severe case of body acne ever. Also, my tattoos were bumpy and itchy and really red.
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| Animals at the Latta Plantation |
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| Latta Plantation |
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| Brandon at the lake near the Latta Plantation |
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| "Metalmorphosis" in downtown Charlotte |
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| Goofing around in the car |
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| Settlers' Cemetery - Charlotte, NC |
Thursday was the day we actually made it to the Smoky Mountains. We picked up Jess early in the morning, and Jen and Justin stayed behind to go to a water park with Carly. We started our trip in Asheville and attempted to see the Biltmore Estate, which is America's largest home, but they wanted $59 per person to get in! We couldn't even see it to take a picture without paying, so we just turned around and left, amazed that people would pay that much to see a house. On our way out of Asheville, we stopped by the North Carolina Arboretum, which had some neat gardens to walk through and sculptures to look at. My favorite was the bonsai garden, which had probably 50 different bonsai trees of all shapes and sizes, and each one looked like its own miniature world. I know Brandon liked that part too because I think he took a picture of every single bonsai tree there. We didn't want to waste too much time, so we hurried through the rest of the garden before getting back on the road towards Cherokee, NC. Cherokee was actually a pretty cool little town, or rather Indian reservation, with all sorts of little shops and eateries and museums. There were people dressed up like Native Americans doing dances and drumming and whatnot. Again, we hurried through this part in an attempt to get to the Smokies faster. One thing I noticed about this part of the country is they LOVE their boiled peanuts. I didn't try any because I can't eat peanuts, but I swear I saw a sign advertising "BEST BOILED PEANUTS" about every 5 minutes. I wonder if they're any good.
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| Bonsai tree at the Arboretum |
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| North Carolina Arboretum |
Finally we made it into the National Park just as a storm was rolling in. It was beautiful! There were tons of turn-offs along the road to stop and take pictures, and we got some pretty good views of the mountains. The sad part is the "smokiness" of the mountains is apparently due to pollution, so they continue to get "smokier" all the time. It sure makes for some amazing pictures though. Eventually we got to the turn-off for Clingman's Dome, which is the highest point on the Appalachian Trail, the eastern version of the Pacific Crest Trail. (Note: The correct way to pronounce Appalachian according to southerners is "apple-atch-in", not "apple-ation" as we westerners say.) We decided we definitely needed to see this dome, so we took the turnoff. On our way up, we noticed everyone was stopping in the middle of the street, and when we looked to the side of the road, we saw a bear! It was so cute! It was just hanging out on the side of the road eating, not worried about any of the people gawking at it. I found out later it was just a black bear, but it looked way different from the black bears we have out here. Its ears and nose were pointy, and it was really small. Anyways, we took our gazillion pictures and moved on. We got to the parking lot of Clingman's Dome, and the weather was turning nasty. It was getting windy and overcast, and it looked like it would start raining any minute. The lookout on top of Clingman's Dome was a half mile hike up a super steep hill, but the trail was paved, so despite some hesitations I decided to attempt to climb it. It was a mistake. I could feel my Achilles tendons stretching to their maximum, and my hips and knees were aching pretty bad, but I refused to give up. I guess that's the stubbornness in me. We all made it to the top of the lookout, but we couldn't even see anything because of the storm, so we made our way back down. It seemed like it took forever, but we finally made it back to the car. Never in my life have I struggled so badly with hiking 1 mile. It was pretty depressing.
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| Waterfall on the way to the Smokies |
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| Panorama of the Great Smoky Mountains |
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| B and I in the Smokies |
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| Black bear on the way to Clingman's Dome |
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| "View" from the Clingman's Dome lookout |
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| Storm rolling in over the Smokies |
We wound our way through the mountains some more before ending up in Gatlinburg, TN. I swear this town was like an amusement park! The whole main street was lined with tourist shops, places to eat and drink, attractions like Ripley's Believe It or Not and a haunted house, fudge factories, and they even had a chairlift to take you to the top of one of the mountains. We were starving, so we ate at a local brewery where Brandon got one of the biggest mugs of beer I've seen. We spent a long time walking around Gatlinburg, and we didn't want to leave, but it was getting dark and we had a long drive home. We drove home around the Park because it was a lot faster than going back through it. My GPS on my phone took us on some really iffy back roads through the woods of Tennessee, but it actually ended up being a good thing. There was lightning lighting up the whole sky every minute or so, and it was raining hard but was still warm outside. Jessica thought she saw flashing in the bushes, so we pulled over beside a field. There were fireflies everywhere! That might not sound like a big deal to someone who grew up seeing fireflies, but that was the first time in my life I had seen them, and they did not disappoint. We just sat there in the car with the windows rolled down in some random part of Tennessee, watching the fireflies light up the trees like a light show while the rain came down and the lightning continued. It was honestly one of my favorite parts of the trip. I could've stayed there forever. Sadly we had to keep driving, though, and we pulled into our hotel parking lot a little after midnight.
Day 4 medical update: My rash stayed about the same, if not a little worse. My ankles swelled up to the size of grapefruits from the hike we did.
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| Brandon with his giant beer in Gatlinburg |
Friday, day 5 of the trip, is the day the wedding stuff started to take place. We girls went to a bridal luncheon at the groom's sister's house while the boys checked us into our new hotel in downtown. I got to meet most of the other bridesmaids for the first time as well as some other relatives. It was a fun, quick little lunch, but I was feeling really self conscious about the bumps all over my body. I felt disgusting, and I didn't want people to think I had some weird disease or that I was contagious or anything. After the luncheon, I had Brandon take me to an urgent care in town as a last ditch effort to make the rash go away before the wedding. The urgent care doctor said I had folliculitis, which I agree with, but folliculitis has, like, hundreds of different causes, so he wasn't able to tell me where it came from. He prescribed me an oral antibiotic and told me to take some Benadryl. I filled the prescriptions, but I only took one of the antibiotics before I decided I didn't want to take them. After the visit to the doctor, we had to rush back to the new hotel and get ready for the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner. The rehearsal was at the barn in Fort Mill, SC where the wedding would take place the next day. I was paired up with a groomsman named Wilson, which sparked all sorts of jokes about the volleyball named Wilson in Castaway. I couldn't say his name without yelling it like Tom Hanks then bursting into laughter. All joking aside though, I still felt really self conscious about my skin. Even though he didn't say anything about it, I was worried that Wilson was grossed out and disappointed that he got paired up with me. I tried to just keep my head up high and think about other things. The rehearsal lasted about an hour, and then we headed to an Italian restaurant for the rehearsal dinner. I've never been to a rehearsal dinner that lasted so long! It was delicious and entertaining, but holy cow it was long. We got there a little after 6pm, and we didn't leave until after 11 pm. We started with drinks and hors d'oeuvres in the bar, and then we went into a private back room where we watched a slideshow of Carly and Drew that Drew's mom put together. We had a fantastic 3-course meal, drank some wine, and listened to some toasts to the bride and groom. It was a fun evening, but afterwards I was totally exhausted, so we went back to the hotel room and crashed for the night.
Day 5 medical update: Added another antibiotic and some Benadryl to my medication pile. My bumps were still getting worse and starting to spread to my legs. My ankles remained so swollen that it looked like I had full blown kankles.
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| Bridal luncheon |
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| With the bride at the rehearsal dinner |
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| The Oregon girls at the rehearsal dinner |
Finally, Saturday was the wedding day. All of us girls (there were 11 bridesmaids plus a flower girl and the mother of the bride) met at a nature center to get our hair and makeup done, which the bride gifted us for being in her wedding. We drank mimosas, painted our nails, and got all beautified for the wedding. Once the photographer showed up, we put our bridesmaid dresses and cowboy boots on. Thank god we were wearing cowboy boots because my ankles still looked like balloons. Then we headed over to the barn to get the bride into her wedding dress. Carly looked amazing in her dress! It fit her perfectly, and she looked absolutely gorgeous. After Carly and Drew did some "first look" photos, we all took some pictures before the ceremony. It was quite the project trying to organize the whole wedding party, but the photographers did a great job, and I can't wait to see the pictures. We each got a bouquet of beautiful multicolored wildflowers to carry that looked like a miniature version of the bride's bouquet, although I don't think miniature is the right word since they were pretty hefty bunches of flowers. After the pictures we waited around while the guests started to arrive. I started to get nervous because even though I wasn't the center of attention, I hate standing in front of a big group of people. Then it was go time. We all lined up, the ceremony started, and we walked down the aisle to our places. The ceremony was short and sweet, and the pastor was the same man that baptized Carly when she was a toddler, which I thought was so special. Everything went perfectly, and it was a really beautiful wedding, 8 years in the making.
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| Carly and I before the ceremony |
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| Mother of the bride, bride, and maid of honor/sister |
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| Oregon girls |
Reception time! Poor Brandon and Justin, who had been bored and neglected all day, finally got to hang out with the group again. Dinner was from a BBQ place, and they had the best mac-n-cheese in the world. I could've eaten the whole tray full, but I stopped myself, and I'm sure my guts were relieved I didn't eat anymore. There was music and dancing and all the traditional wedding activities. I tried to dance a little bit even though my legs were tired and my ankles were swollen, but dancing has never been my strong suit, even when my legs worked properly. Of course I found the energy to do the electric slide though. The reception wrapped up around 11pm with a sparkler send-off for the bride and groom. Some people from the wedding party rented a party bus to go out downtown, but unfortunately we had to be at the airport around 5am, so we couldn't partake in the after-wedding festivities. I'm not even sure I could've rallied for it anyways I was so tired. After saying goodbye to everyone, Brandon, Jessica, and I went through a Cookout drive-thru to get milkshakes before heading back to our hotel room close to the airport. We got in about 1am, so we only got to have about 3 hours of sleep before having to get up and go to the airport. It was an exhausting day, but it was an amazing end to our trip. I wish I took more pictures at the wedding, but if you use Instagram, you can check out #carlyanddrewsayido for more pictures. (I'm new to Instragram, so I think that's how it works, but don't shoot me if I'm wrong.)
Day 6 medical update: Everything's about the same... nasty rash, swollen ankles, and so on.
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| Wedding reception |
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| Doing the... wobble? I think that's what they called it. |
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| "Wobbling" again |
Day 7 was our day to travel home. We had to get up at 4am after only 3 hours of sleep in order to return the rental car and get to the airport on time. I was so tired that my body was literally revolting. I was so stiff and sore that I could barely move, and Brandon had to do most of the work for the morning. I couldn't even lift my suitcase onto the airport shuttle. One good thing about having a disability though is that I get to pre-board on Southwest flights, so we got on first and got the front row with all the extra leg room. The flight from Charlotte to Chicago was fine; I just slept through it. However, the flight from Chicago to Portland was a nightmare. My stomach chose to clog up early in the flight, and I started getting the horrible cramping pains. Not surprisingly I started getting anxiety on top of the pains also because I was stuck on an airplane with no access to a hospital, which is usually what happens when my stomach backs up like that. I took 2 of my dilaudid pills in the hopes that it would ease the pain. I don't know how much it actually did for my stomach, but at least it knocked me out, and I was able to sleep for the remainder of the flight. Brandon said he has never been so happy to see me nap before, and I definitely agree. We landed in Portland around noon, and my dad picked us up and drove us home to Corvallis. Because of the dilaudid and just the overall exhaustion from the trip, the rest of the day was sort of lost for me. I napped on the couch for several hours before going to bed pretty early. That wraps up my first trip ever to the south!
Day 7 medical update: Here's a little recap... on top of my normal medications, I got antibiotic eye drops, oral antibiotics for my ears, Coricidin for congestion, another oral antibiotic for my red bumps, and some Benadryl for my bumps as well. I had to take some dilaudid on the flight home to help my stomach cramps, and my ankles still looked like grapefruits. Basically, everything went to hell with my body at the worst possible time.
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| Grapefruit ankles |
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| Grapefruit ankle |
A little follow-up after the wedding:
I went to my doctor here in Corvallis who referred me to a dermatologist. The dermatologist told me I was allergic to my tattoos, and that's why they're all bumpy and red and itchy. I told him I'd had them for as long as 8 years with no problems, and he said it didn't matter. You can develop allergies at any time. He also wasn't entirely sure what was causing my red bumps, but he said it could've been miliaria (basically heat rash) or some kind of folliculitis. I asked if it could have anything to do with my medical history and this autoimmune arthritis problem, and he said probably not, but there's a chance I could have psoriatic arthritis, which is a form of psoriasis that affects your joints first then turns into a rash later. He prescribed me some steroid cream to put on my body and told me to call if the rash got worse.
I also started my gluten-free and low FODMAP diet, which is really difficult to handle. I feel like I can't really eat anything. I have to rely heavily on meat, which doesn't make me too happy, but I don't have much of a choice right now. It's also really expensive. We went grocery shopping at Trader Joe's today, and we spent over $100 on 2 bags of food! Ridiculous. I think it might be working though... my diarrhea has slowed down a lot, and it's possible my joints are getting better as well. I'll have to stick with it a while longer to know for sure.
Last and definitely not least, I start school tomorrow. Yikes. I'm terrified and excited and nervous all at the same time. The good thing is I'm starting on Diagnostic Imaging, which everyone has told me is a really fun rotation, and I also get to start with people from my class that I know. It doesn't ease the anxiety though. But, I guess I'll just have to take tomorrow head on and see how it goes. That's the only way I'll know for sure if I can handle this. Wish me luck! I'll post again probably next weekend with an update on how my first week back went.
Ok, I know this was a super long post, so thanks for reading. Happy June everyone! Here's a picture of my dog just because she's so cute. :)
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| Smiling Goose :) |
